| call me a cornball. i absolutely adore this movie. |
[25 Apr 2007|08:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
head. throbs. |
] |
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "
-- Iris, as played by Kate Winslet, in The Holiday
ps: lets round out this soundtrack-as-of-late with a third, shall we? three is my favorite number, and i can't believe i forgot this one -- thank you, spill canvas. (or in full.)
|
|
|
[12 Mar 2007|03:32pm] |
call me a martyr, call me overdramatic, call me emo.
tell me to get over it.
it still doesn't change the fact that i'm absolutely fucking miserable.
|
|
| mmhm. |
[16 Feb 2007|04:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hostile |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a playlist i've entitled "two years ago." |
] |
oh, hello breaking point.
i knew you'd get here soon enough. welcome to the party.
|
|
| cross my heart, hope to die |
[15 Feb 2007|09:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the rocket summer - cross my heart |
] |
this was in my old RA's away msg as a fortune cooke fortune he got:
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
i'll take it.
|
|
| you've got to be fucking kidding me. |
[05 Feb 2007|08:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mtvizzle. |
] |
JOHN MAYER -- 4/17
Air Canada Centre
40 Bay Street
Toronto, ON M5J 2X2
416-815-5
this has to be some kind of cruel joke.
just guess what the significance of april 17th is. it's not christmas, and it's not my birthday. or anyone else's birthday. in fact, as things sit right now, it won't be a holiday at all this year.
|
|
| i can't stand here in a patch of four-leaf clovers |
[01 Feb 2007|10:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
defeated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Konstantine-Something Corporate-ready...break |
] |
things i've learned in the past week and one day that make me sound like a fortune cookie:
-- barbra streisand's "don't rain on my parade" has magical healing properties.
-- self-analysis isn't so bad, as long as you're honest with yourself the whole time.
-- don't be afraid to self-analyze. you are your best and worst critic.
-- follow your heart, not your head.
-- figure out if the good outweighs the bad. don't try to convince yourself it doesn't (this is where that following your heart, self-analysis thing comes in) because it most likely does. realize this. embrace this. don't let this get away.
-- don't be a control freak, because chances are, you won't realize that you in fact don't control every aspect of your life. by the time you realize this, it will have already crashed down around you.
-- surround yourself with amazing friends. they tend to come in handy.
-- don't be so afraid to give yourself completely.
i feel myself slipping into "old nicole." old nicole that listened to lots of emo and wrote out lyrics and drew a star in the same spot on her hand everyday and immersed herself in anything but real life. i'm afraid of old nicole. it has taken me a lot to become something closer to who i (thought) i really am.
i'm not making this private. old nicole would make this private. the nicole i've been moving towards for the past couple months (weeks?) is trying to let her guard down.
i was old nicole during high school and freshman year. after old nicole came kind of new, kind of old, kind of insane nicole. this nicole beame a bit more open, but closed herself off to a lot of things she shouldn't have. mainly a lot of people. this nicole was outwardly much more comfortable in her own skin -- outwardly. but this nicole also freaked out for no reason, had emotional breakdowns. this nicole was buried approximately one month ago.
we'll call the current nicole almost-real nicole. almost-real nicole is weak, is broken, is trying her hardest to find out who she is, to continue the opennness of kind of new nicole with the the fun of old nicole.
kind of new nicole is dead. kind of new nicole wasn't happy.
old nicole wasn't either, but it's what i do best. almost-real nicole is far too frightening to become. almost-real nicole can't find comfort and can't seem to handle that. so welcome back, old nicole. old nicole puts my guard back up. i'm safe there. not happy, either, but safe indeed. old nicole gets by just fine. and after all, she's turned out to be the most likeable.
oh, and welcome back, emo. can't WAIT to go to shows with my 13-year-old brother.
|
|
| happy thanksgiving eve. |
[22 Nov 2006|08:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
i'm listening to some band that sent me a friend request on myspace called 'gatsby gets the green light,' and they're not bad, but they're nothing special. typical pop-punk-emo sound, but still with that pre-FOB domination innocence.
this sound, this kind of music, and just a general feeling, makes me miss how things used to be.
i wonder if i knew in high school that the second i crossed that stage, it was an end of an era i would never be able to get back, i would have done anything differently.
i don't think so. but i think i would have appreciated it a lot more.
|
|
| if we don't leave now, we never will |
[05 Nov 2006|03:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush)-Placebo-Sleeping With Ghosts-BONUS DIS |
] |
i promised myself i would write about this show as soon as i possibly could, because there's so much to rememberrr. --- this day & age's last show.
( setlist translated, with details. )
|
|
| long, long time. |
[29 Oct 2006|08:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Always Straight Ahead-This Day & Age-The Bell And The Hammer |
] |
ive been thinking a lot lately, about a lot of things, about nothing too specific and everything at once.
i can't begin to explain myself, but john mayer can.
( posted in his blog today, coincidentally. )
thank you, john. i've been meaning to post here about his amazing concert i went to on september first, my first weekend back at school, with bobby, katie, and jocelyn (at the very last minute) but how we sorely missed laura and how wonderful the show was and how he encored with an acoustic split-screen sadness (it has changed my view of that song forever ♥) and how sheryl crowe was pleasantly surprising and how we missed all of mat kearney except him playing his single and how john's show in general was ( perfection. )
but, alas, i havent until now, and i'm sure i'm forgetting 5 million little details. but it was incredible, nontheless, as was head automatica a week or so later (just bobby and me, and we had a blast - the played a great mix of old and new, and even though i don't love the new as much as the old, they played all of my old favorites and the best ones off the new album.)
i'm listening to this day and age because next saturday is the last show they'll ever play. plus, this song (always straight ahead) is incredibly fitting for how i'm feeling.
....even though i don't really know how that is, exactly.
as for school, it's busy. the dalai lama came in september, the blizzard came in october. both quite interesting experiences for vastly different reasons. (the dalai lama really was incredible, though, i'm glad i went to the interfaith service as well as the speech, because it's moving just to be in a presence of someone like that, especially when he was in his element.)
everything is documented in my photobucket, but of course.
i know i havent written in ages, and i've seriously considered just officially pausing this thing, but what good does that do? if i don't update, then i don't. and then times come along like this when i just go nuts. whatever will be, will be.
|
|
| john mayer heals all wounds. |
[13 Sep 2006|09:41am] |
this is the most incredible cd ever.
seriously john, way to blow yourself out of the water.
it was shaping up to be a crappy week, and i don't care anymore.
much updateness to come, yes.
ps: represent.
|
|
| [ the working title: never run again ] |
[25 Aug 2006|07:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Mary Getaway (I Lost Everything)-The Working Title-About-Face |
] |
"I could crawl on my hands and my knees,
Change the way I do everything;
My desires crumble away,
Leaving me safe, driving away,
Keeping me all alone.
Thinking away everything
Start my car and drive..."
i was okay. i was excited, even motivated.
this song broke me down. summer wasn't stellar, but i'm going to miss home.
move-in day tomorrow.
|
|
| the annual warped tour update, version 3.0. |
[01 Aug 2006|09:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ummmm i'm set for today, thanks. |
] |
here's the bare bones of it:
motion city soundtrackkk ! good, as always.
rise against was better than i expected, considering 'swing life away' annoys me to no end.
tat (i thiink) who only had a small crowd, but the lead singer was british and female and rocked her guitar solo behind her head and they sounded a little ska-ish so it was a pretty good mix.
hellogoodbye <3<3 and forrest rapped. amazing. i can't wait for their full length this fall.
joan jett - this woman is a bamf.
30 seconds to mars <3 because jared is beautiful. and kicks lots of ass overall.
afi can suck my balls.
the sunstreak for a bit, to support my hometown boysss.
stiletto formal, because i liked their name.
protest the hero -hXc. hahahaaaaa.
thursday (fiinally.)
the sleeping for like 30 seconds because it was on our way out and i was pretty positive i was going to pass out.
gym class heroes before i left to see...
cartel <3 who put on a gooooood show.
moneen for bobby, who were nuts on stage.
halifax (also finalllly.)
bullet for my valentine who were good for screamo, i suppose. reminded me a bit of old SOTY.
horse the band? ummm walked by and expected them to be cute indie-pop. not.
the pink spiders. i liked the guys pants.
stretch armstrong, who also have an amazing name.
the heat index today was 104 degrees. and this is what i did all day.
|
|
| you're waiting for someone to put you together |
[19 Jul 2006|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Everything You Want-Vertical Horizon-Everything You Want |
] |
i have had a journal entry, half-written, waiting to be completed since the first week i was home.
that was the first week of may.
why can't i finish it?
the same reason as always. i don't know. the motivation isnt there. the desire is, but the drive isn't.
i'm not miserable. i'm not even necessarily bored. this journal has been "paused" because that's basically what my life has been. stuck in the meantime. nothing is really going forward. some things have gone backwards - taken leaps back, in fact - but mostly, i'm just here. just waiting. just sitting. anxious, exhausted, blah.
i'm just blah.
i'm not sad, but not happy; not afraid, but not comforable. my life isn't so bad. i have a wonderful boyfriend, amazing friends, great grades, a nice home, a school year to look forward to, a loving family.
so what don't i have? me, i guess.
the only thing keeping my life from being everything i want it to be is myself.
|
|
| when i go down, i go down hard |
[12 May 2006|03:49am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
relient k. duh. |
] |
dear self,
don't forget to remember ( these lyrics. )
kthanks.
yes yes, major update coming, as per katie's request. it's so huge, it's gonna have pictures. yep.
|
|
| someone shoot me in the foot. please. |
[30 Mar 2006|01:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Photosynthesis (We're Losing O²)-Men, Women, & Children |
] |
motion city soundtrack concert was tonite.
k so openers:
men women + children - good, dancey, bought the cd so we'll see. the matches - i feel like they're trying too hard at the glam. like borderline my chem wannabes. which sucks, because theyre definitely pretty good. great energy. the format - cute. almost too cute. but also good schtuff.
MOTION CITAYYY:
lotsss of lights. i felt like it was an experience, hahaha.
opened with attractive today !
middle: (it's a blur) time turned fragile, LG Fuad (!!), feel like rain, everything is alright, better open the door (i think this was second), capital h (!!!!), make out kids, my favorite accident, perfect teeth, and three songs from the old album i didn't recognize. gotta get on top of that. i think one miight have been autographs and apologies, though.
closed with HOLD ME DOWN.
this needs to be repeated and further explained: they closed the show with one of my favorite songs ever, HOLD ME DOWN, and i am amazed i didn't cry.
encoreee was together we'll ring in the new year (excellent + unexpected choice), and the future freaks me out, of course.
sooo good. amazing live band. great energy, great personality, great visuals, exxxcellent show most definitely.
and why should someone shoot me?
because i just found out i have a 5-page research review essay due tomorrow. less than 12 hours from now. hahaaaaaaaa.
|
|
| one of the rare occasions i'll post lyrics in my journal... |
[13 Mar 2006|08:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
'goodbye love' from rent is in my head. gah i want my ipod. |
] |
i'm gonna stay eighteen forever
so we can stay ::like this:: forever;
& we'll never miss a party 'cause we
keep > them > going > constantly.
& we'll never have to listen
to . anyone . about . anything,
'cause it's all been done & it's all been said;
we're the [coolest|kids] & we take what we can get.
:: BRaND|NeW
out with the girls (that are home) tonite, so i thought it was fitting. especially for a night out in our lovely i-town.
eighteen and i...we did okay. eighteen was a craaazy year. and i really, really can't believe that in less than 4 hours, i'll only have one year left of being a teenager. that's insane.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|